Hi Sue:

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know

you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought

I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize

it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what

happened to me, I first must bore you with a few

technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.

I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit and this

time of year the water is quite cool! So to keep warm

we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This

$20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the

sea and heats it to a delightful temperature. It then

pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,

which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used

it several times with no complaints. What I do when I

get the bottom and start working is take the hose and

stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my

whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a

Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of the sudden, my

butt started to itch. Of course, I scratched it. This

only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt

started to burn I pulled the hose out from my back, !

but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had

happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a

jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I

don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't

stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as

fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an

itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the

crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the

communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the

fact that he, along with five other divers, were all

laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the

dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing

in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five

minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my

chamber dry. When I arrived at the surface I was

wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears

of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of

cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I

got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I

couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen

shut.

So next time you're having a bad day at work, think

about how much worse it would be if you had a

jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job,

I love my job.